靠人不如靠自己。
又再次让我印证了这个说法。
不喜欢等待别人给我答案，不喜欢等待别人给我机会，也不喜欢等待别人给我肯定。
总之，就是不喜欢“等别人”。
不是把我说得那么那么的棒吗？？不是说如果我能参与，那会是团队的荣幸吗？？？
最后还不是什么都没有？？？
还好并没有抱着太大的期望，背叛感还不至于。但毕竟还是会有点失望。
有时，真的不知道这个圈子里的人说的话到底多少是真的。时儿像是你的好朋友，时儿又好像只是在利用你....
朋友不一定会关照你的。还好这次学聪明了。
做人还是简单点，朝着梦想走一步算一步。职场上见招拆招。
我想我为自己另开一条路的决定是对的。
工作性质和挑战随是类似的，但起码市场较广，机会也相对的较多。
不怕不怕，我没那么容易就被击到。
I'm blogging cos there's no one to talk to... or rather, no one whom I feel like talking about wat I feel like talking to.
Had a fun first attempt to organize a Singles Day~ Very simple, but fun! Heehee~~ And I have a strong feeling I'll get to throw a bigger party next year... Yes, I'm really not that optimistic about my love life *bleh*...
Not that I'm unwanted (I like have to stress that everytime haha..).. Yes I know I'm picky. But that's been discussed before so shan't go into that again.
Was just thinking, what is the whole point of getting a boyfriend/girlfriend ah??? Have a recent crush but the chemistry is kind of dying... Mainly cos even though the exchange has been very enjoyable, such "chances" do not happen often. For very objective reason such as "busy with work" loh~ Not blaming anyone, but it just got me thinking about how do you know you die die really need that someone?? Or that someone is THE ONE??
Over the years and especially after the most recent almost fairy-tale-like affair, I kind of concluded that one can actually brainwash oneself to believe that someone else is SPECIAL.
Dun believe??? Well, if you have no one in particular that you fancy at the moment, and dun mind playing with your emotions for the kick of it~ Try this:
1. Locate 1 guy/gal around you. Someone who is not too 抱歉 kind and someone you actually has a basic friendship. Like at least will smile or nod in acknowledgement when passing by each other one lah...
2. Imagine the scene of you and this person getting to know one another. Do this slowly, whenever you are free, sitting in the bus, before you sleep.. whenever you're bored oso can. Just fantasize abt the various scenarios whereby you 2 will somehow hang out together, and know each other abit more... places you would go... things you would do... Use whatever info you know about him/her from your previous or recent conversation (if any) to enhance your scenes. If no conversation, den just make up what you think he/she will like or things he/she will say. Ideas from movies or novels would come in handy here. And this is especially fun if you are the kind who likes to daydream alot.
3. Do pt 2 for as long as you like, or until you run out of ideas and get bored. Then move on to pt 4.
4. Now, imagine the scene when he/she professes his/her love to you. If you are already starting to feel a certain affection towards him/her after pt 2, you can be the protagonist that professes your love. Imagine the various ways and scenes of confession. You may choose to accept the confession or play around with him/her, rejecting first than accepting.
5. Again, do pt 4 for as long as you like. Come up with various and all ways and scenes for the confession. (by the end of it, you would probably get alot of new interesting ideas for your real confession or handling real confession anyway =p)
6. Now, after pt 5, you can move on to the marriage fantasy~ How you would do your wedding together.... blah blah blah... same steps as before lah~ just enjoy your imagination!
7. If you like, you can even move on to the blissful after marriage life~
And I can assure you, you will find yourself feeling for this person, yearning to see him/her even during the course of your imagination very soon. And if your imagination skills are strong enough, you'll grow to believe that he/she is THE ONE for you!
That's kind of what happen for those one-sided love I believe.
Anyway i was on the topic of why the need for a boyfriend/girlfriend ya? Well, when you are someone who has survived pretty well on your own with the company of friends and family for so many years... pick up your own pieces when you crumble, earn for your own keep and pay for your expenses, have the initiative to find new things and experiences when life gets blant... and basically living life as an individual pretty fine for so long, you start to wonder what input can someone else provide to your exisiting life.
It's like, who can excite me so much that I can't do without him??? Very hard to find loh, this kind of person... Hahaha~ Was asking a colleague about why she needs her bf when she is such an independent woman herself. And her answer was simple: Companionship.
Ya, perhaps.... Sometimes it may not be that you die die need that person. It may just be cos it is NICE to have someone around, who will be there for you no matter what~ Yet to find that someone lah~
But have found someone to talk about things I feel like talking to liao~ Hahaha! So shall end blog here!
It always sucks when things does not go as planned. Especially when your effort is taken frivolously by insensitive idiots who only care about their own personal selfish or even horny gains.
Am encouraged and comforted by those who appreciate the originality or at least the effort to try to do someting different. Appreciate the support as well... And I know I should not let the narrow-minded bastard, who probably was just being cheeky at the wrong point in time of my emotional curve, undermine the original intention of why I set out to do what I wanted to do anyway.
Perhaps it is cos it started as something that someone else sort of "wanted to do together" with me but ended up I was the one who settled everything cos I can't stand the ding-dong and delays and wishy-washiness. Once I said I'll do something, there is a 90% chance it would be done. And most of the time it WOULD be done.
Maybe I was just getting frustrated cos of all the negative responses and my own ego-ness that things aren't gona happen as happening as I hope they would. And perhaps cos I kind of lost a little interest since someone whom I really would like to see could not make it (yes, that is very the sianz...)
I know I'm just throwing tantrum lah... but i just really hate the feeling of being taken for granted lah!!!
TMD...
Fine, you can say I asked for it since I wanted to do this on my own accord lah. But 我就是不爽!!!
Ok 息怒息怒...
It has been half a year since I started my first perm job after graduation.
And it has come to a point when I'm seriously deliberating if I should still continue this path.
Is it the "6-Months Itch"?? I basically change a working environment every 6 months since my first job... Perhaps. I'm afterall a very 三分钟热度 person. HAha~
But more importantly I guess is because I realize promises made were not fulfilled. And I've accomplished nothing that I sought to achieve when I first took on the job. I've been given a title to which my actual work has no relation to and I've been running projects for all the other departments except for mine.
Yes, I've learnt stuff. There are new skills I've acquired and new knowledge I've gained. But at the same time, many opportunities have also come and gone. Opportunities that would have helped propelled me towards my goals.
The biggest regret of these 6 months I guess must be the fact that I could have been on the credit list of the matrimonial scam movie... ARGHHHH....... I had felt the heartache then when I had to turn down the offer. And I was so frustrated I almost quit so that I may join the project. But I stayed on, waiting for this other project that I was promised. I was assured again and again with promises that turned up empty. 2 deadlines have been missed. And I believe the 3rd one is not going to be met either.
Friends asked if I were scared of not landing a job after leaving given the poor economic outlook. My replies were always nonchalant and confident. Truth is, I am worried too. But more so for the fact that I'm not sure if I am still relevant and able to meet up to the industry's expectations given my near half a year hiatus from the industry dealings. Yes I did dabbled in the marketing aspect of the industry. For maybe a short 3 months? Eye-opener as it was miserable, it was still insufficient.
We only have that few chances to learn and make mistakes. And all the better to make those mistakes while we're still young and able to afford the career risks and even embarrassment.
It won't be long before I have to seriously shoulder the responsibility of providing for the family and maybe even start my own. So I really can't afford to waste my time helping others fulfill their dreams anymore. I need to get back to working on mine...
I really do not wish to see my dear colleague "die" from all the sudden pull out, nor do I feel good leaving the kind superior who has always been nice to me... Especially when all the initiatives that he has been working hard to achieve are only just beginning to be actualized.
But I need to be selfish this time round. I've already done my part accomplishing the other projects I was tasked to do and helping jumpstart the new initiatives. It is time for me to move on...
人不为己天诛地灭... 对不起... 但， 人各有志。
新年快乐！牛年快快乐！！！
好快，2009年的第二个 post 竟又是个 New Year post~ 只是刚巧这也是个“牛 Year” post!哈哈哈！
可能是身为华人的关系，到了农历新年才真正有“过新年”的感觉 :p 哈哈～！
这个牛年是我们 NiaoCi 的 Good Year! 贵人运，艳运都很好～ 哈哈哈！
那天刚得知认识 12 年的 Gwen 今年也要结婚了！如果婚事谈成，那今年我就将有 3 位老朋友会与她们的如意郎君步上红地毯咯！羡慕死人了！！！
不知不觉自己也将步入 mid-twenties 了... 虽然我时时刻刻都认为自己才二十一、二。有朋友的朋友被妈妈“恐吓”说如果今年再找不到男友就要以相亲的方式把她嫁出去... 哇塞... 少数民族的 tradition/custom 就是这样...
我老妈刚才给我压岁钱的时候也暗示我，今年找个男朋友带回家给她看... 我也想啊～ 但谈何容易啊...
我要看得上一个人已经很难了，更何况是看得上一个同时也看上我的人... “缘分”，如果你信的话，其实是很艰难的。Happily Ever After 只是童话世界里的情节。真正能长久的爱情是无法单靠 “Chemistry” 和“感觉”的啦。
没心上人是挺闷的咯... 但... 还好现阶段有个挺 Zai 的男生暂时填补了情感上的小小“空虚” ;p Heehee~
吸取前年经验，一切慢慢来～ 有的玩就玩咯！哈哈！没有啦... 我没那么风流～
Anyway, 今年决定改一改以往的作风。好久没有帮妈妈准备团员饭了。So, 今年 contribute 了一盘 Cheese Garlic Bake Prawns! Plus Mushrooms with Toppings~ Haha! Then 也好久没 mass-send SMS 祝贺朋友了，so 今年也可能发了有史以来最多的 CNY SMSs... 但也获得了有史以来最多的 CNY 祝福 ;D
鼠年的最后几个礼拜过得有点郁闷。新的一年要 Positive 多很多点! Haha~ 希望大家也能开开心心、顺顺利利、一切心想事成、万事如意！
Wooh~ It's been another year!
2008 had been a most eventful year. Actually most of my years are pretty eventful Hahaha~! But I guess 2008 happened to be the year with the most number of "big" things happening.
Looking back I must say I've accomplished quite a bit. And grown quite a lot. Hahaha~! Sometimes I feel amazed with how much I've done and how far I've travelled in my mental journey.
In my short span of 24+abit years of life, I've held a number of leadership positions, worked on almost all levels: bottom to middle to top as well, organized a number of events, organized a big number of gatherings, kept so many of my Primary school friends together for the past 12 years, volunteered randomly for various causes: community to national, designed the set for a stage play, directed a stage play, stage-managed a stage play, made a couple of short films, helped make a number of short films, worked for a few TV productions, worked in a movie production, project-managed an entire movie production, assisted in the marketing of a movie, gone through at least 3 major depression, hated myself, learned to love myself properly, truly fell in love once, learned the beauty of romance & love, fell out of love, pulled myself together and learn that I am actually too good for the bloke anyway, made tonnes of really really great friends, learned how to managed stress and expectations, finally admitted that workaholism is not the way to be, and realizing what it means to truly Live a Life...
It's amazing cos every time I am able to see myself being different from how I was before. That's what they call Growth.
Many people move through life doing the same things, saying the same stuff over and over again throughout the course of their lives.
Some realize it and get frustrated cos they do not know what to do about it. Others, like someone I know, didnt even know they are telling the same old story to the same person in the same tone (and expecting the same excited response) they did a year ago~
Hui and I have always come up with various analogies for Life during our 11 years of friendship. And the most recent one we had is the Bowl Theory.
In Life everyone of us has a bowl. Some have smaller bowls while others are bigger. Everyone of us walk the path of Life with our bowls in our hands, trying to fill it up with stuff as we move along. The bowl can never be fully filled cos as we move, it spills, leaving some of the older stuff behind, but thereby creating space for new stuff. Sometimes we throw out things we dont want/need anymore so that we have space for the newer things ahead on the path of Life.
Both Hui and I belong to the group with the bigger bowls. Bigger bowls, more spaces to fill, and thus, we are also very insatiable. We are difficult to please, cos we are not easily contented. This frustrates her, cos sometimes she wish she has a smaller bowl, lesser troubles.
I've been through that too. But now I've learned to appreciate the fact that it is easier to change a smaller bowl for a bigger one than it is to shrink your bowl. And instead of being exasperated by the spaces you need to fill, why not be excited by the amount of things you can have since you've got so much space to spare!
I've given up setting New Year Resolutions a long time ago. But that's cos I've never committed myself to fulfilling them anyway. But this year I've realised that NYR are worth setting. Cos they give you some sort of guidelines to discipline yourself. Plus I love marking things off my checklist~ Hahahha~!
So here goes my list for 2009:
1) Make a good movie, better than the previous one!
-- yes, there is already 1 in the pipeline and I have to start work tomorrow!
2) Finally start my Merging Circles initiative
3) Let my best friend have the most memorable wedding ever
-- I've got 4+ months to work on it
4) Let my childhood friend have the most romantic budget wedding ever
-- I've got 8+ months to work on it
5) Not be a ganjiong spider, must be Cool and Zai
6) Train up my kakia to be a competent AD by year's end
7) Go backpacking with my friends
8) Learn scuba diving
9) Get my 2B license & a retro scooter(2nd hand one for a start) for my Birthday
-- that leaves me 8+ month... can lah, I'm oni 1 lesson away to TP!
10) Always be Positive and do my Best and not to be too hard on myself when things go wrong
-- things happen for a reason, even if they didnt, they have happened already anyway, so no point harping on why they happened, but to focus on what to do next
Alrite, tomorrow, or rather later is gona be another yawning day of work Hahaha~! But I've have had my fun during the last week of 2008, so it's time to get back to work and kick some ass!
And just a quote for everyone to face the possibily rough year ahead:
Everything Will Be OK In The End.
If It Is Not OK, It's Not The End.
Huat ah~!
Had a superb KTV nite with the dearest folks who work together with me on the mountain. It was CRAZY!!! Hahaha~! I used to only go K with people I really trust and can be damn comfortable with... and before Sat, the only people who have had the honour of hearing me sing were my 姐妹s.
Not sure if I had matured further and grown out of my shell or simply cos I absolutely love these people like family. Maybe it's a bit of both lah. I'm quite tone-deaf and off-key when it comes to singing but I've had no qualms with the folks. Everyone basically went wild and crazy.... and... Siao one lor~! Honestly, I cant find another vocab better than "crazy" lah. Hahaha~ Perhaps it's the beer (but I myself didnt drink much this time round though), perhaps it's the "after-work" relief, or perhaps it's the absence of a certain someone, every one of us really danced and sang(or should I say, screamed) and played like there's no tomorrow~
It was a farewell "party" for 2 of our beloved staff. Honestly, I cant bare for them to leave. But I know they'll be happier somewhere else. So I sincerely wish them the best.
Slept till late late the next day, got up to eat and resigned to a whole afternoon of couch-potato-ness. I had to settle my own dinner and thus I walked to the coffeeshop behind my neighbourhood. Was in a pensive mood and the evening breeze was really nice. Had the rare chance of moving in slow motion too...
Buddy wud have been proud of the pace I was walking. Haha! He had always complained about how fast I always walk and that I should learn to slow down once in a while. It was nice lah~ Feeling the breeze on my face, and being able to sense each tightening and loosening of my leg muscles with each slow, conscious step. The simple journey was quite a Zen moment. Thus, I took a detour on my way home after buying dinner to enjoy the Zen-ness somemore.
And I realized once again what a nice neighbourhood I'm living in. Actually I realized that about 10 years ago. But over the years I've been returning home in the wee hours with my sight more focus on the ground than anywhere else. More sight on ground also means more heart-felt tots in mind... I used to have more of my sight on the skies... more creative & silly imaginations... wellz..
Getting a little angsty & upset lately cos of office politics and anger management issues of a certain someone. I can work under pressures, work overtime and work with little pay. But I cant work in a negative environment with low employee morale. Too bad I'm such a kpo person who can't just stick to minding my own business. When people around me suffer, I get miserable as well. And I can't sit by doing nothing. I bet I must have been a freedom fighter during my previous life. Haha~ But a past-life reading Hui did for me many years ago said I was a lawyer and a pretty mercenary one in fact =p Maybe this is the life where I'm to redeem myself by helping others seek redress ba~ HAhahha~!
Well, not sure how much change I would be able to effect, but I know for sure I won't be sticking around for long if the negative vibes do not clear from our office. Already I'm dreading going to work liao.... And even if I just stick to minding the business in my own department, there's my kakia's welfare that I'm constantly concerned about. If I leave, I've a feeling she'll too.
Got another long angry email and there's gona be another internal meeting tomorrow.. I'm quite sick of this already. Actually I really don't have to feel so affected. Cos most of the time my department never kana any bombardment. And I myself seldom is the target of sporadic atomic bombings as well. In fact, most of the time when I get back, it's the aftermath already; when everything is already ugly & unhappy..
Have a slight bad feeling that I might say certain things that'll make my life miserable in the near future. In fact I'm actually kind of afraid I might just walk out of the job tomorrow... Haha~ Duno lah... kns... it is all these unnecessary frustration that drains one down.
Argh.... feeling down again. I think I should watch Yes Man tomorrow night.
My company celebrated its first year anniversary last week and despite having to work on that day for the party (WTH~!), we managed to get some fun after all the guests were gone.
Wanted to get supper but had a bottle of Martell at hand. Wat to do??? Having to find a makan place at that hour of the nite where there's halal food and where you can drink alcohol isn't exactly an easy task. Thus wat the heck, we just decided to booze at our shop front n play guitar sing song tok rubbish for the nite.
Honestly, it was very fun~ Hee hee! JB and I kind of have similar tastebuds for food and we were the adventurous ones who went on to try Milo Martell, Wintermelon Martell, and duno wat other Martell... JB said we tried 7 different concoctions altogether. And since I cant really sing, and drinking is my game, I ended up gulping down a tad too much.. Heh heh...
But it was fun~! I love the tipsy feeling and more so the liberating feeling of not having to worry about the next day's work, since it's my off day =p
I guess my colleagues are not used to seeing me in my crazy mode Haha~ So I guess they had fun watching me turning into such a wreck. Too much work lah, so only get to see my working state. When I get to go crazy, I can be real crazy de loh~ But still with constraints lah =p Had so much crazy shit I wanted to blabber that night but was sober enough to stop my gap. So ended up just smiling to myself, which appeared freakish to Wilson... Hahaha~!
Anyway, the year is ending and I'm really looking forward to the new year =D There is so much talk about how it would be such a wonderful and successful year for us Rats that I cant wait to jump straight into the Year of the Ox! Career-wise I can already foresee all the opportunities and exciting challenges. So it is especially invigorating to know that I'll have Lady Luck on my side to sail through the projects~
Am very curious to know if I'll finally find a worthy guy to apportion my precious time & energy to as well... It's supposed to be a good year but does it necessary mean it would be the year with the Right One?? Haiz... As much as I know what a pain it would be to have to commit to someone else, Mrs Yap's happiness is kind of making me wana have a taste of wat's it like to have someone special who can dote and care for me more so than I could for myself~~ 幸福的滋味人人都想体会嘛～
没办法啦... 谁叫我这么独立又这么优秀～要找个够种的温柔男人可不容易啊! Muahahaha!!!
Thur's shoot marks the end of all major events I'm tasked to complete for this year.. well, at least till this point in time =p Am gradually slipping into slacker mode now and this weekend is especially juicy since I dun have any pressing work to rush... Can totally relax and enjoy~!
So far so good => Ever since I left the movie that I was assistant marketing, my Luck has been improving~ Even the horoscope readings on the newspaper and magazines said so Hahaha! So I truely believe next year would be a great year for me hee hee~!
Had a talk with boss again about company's morale. Didnt really have enough time to fully conveyed my entire thoughts nor did I think it was appropriate/effective to tell him everything... thus I'm not very sure if he totally understands or can sense what I was trying to drive at.. I'm sure he did listen to what I said, but it's always hard to get thru when the other party thinks he knows everything.. The reason why I even bothered telling him in the first place was because I know he has a good heart and is a boss who is willing to take feedback. Otherwise I wudnt even have cared... But well..
I never believe in the use of Fear to stimulate actions nor the legitimacy of Power just because of authority. 智者以德服人，得人心者得天下。Fear does not breeds Productivity, Respect & Mutual Understanding do. Which is why I never anyhow scold or shout at my surbodinates. When I do, it would be for serious mistakes that warrant for such treatment. I believe that people have certain degree of self-dignity to want to perform. Of course the working attitude differs from people to people. There are those who are seriously of a much lower grade than others. And yes we do have that range in our office. And one of the main gribes, if I were to raise, of my boss is the double-standards he practices at times with regards to the treatment of staff. But that's another story for another time...
Anyway, yes I do agree that youngsters these days are too fragile and ignorant about the world around them. But just because one does not know how to use/understand something that may be common sense to the majority of everyone else, it doesnt mean he or she deserves to be treated in a less amiable fashion during the course of learning. Everyone has gota start somewhere. Can you fault a 50 year old uncle for not knowing how to use a computer just because a 5 year old can use it with ease???
Yet there is also the dilemma of the natural balance in the universal: when there is yin, there must be yang. There probably wouldnt be Kindness without the existence of Evilness. Someone's gota play the "bad guy" or the "father's role", as boss puts it. To a certain level, it's true. People cannot be trusted to enjoy absolute freedom nor can we expect all of them to appreciate Kindness. But I still believe the world can be run by benevolent leaders who do not have to resort to the hurting of their followers' self-esteem in order to achieve greatness. I'd had bosses like that, I do still believe such a management model can work.
Money cannot buy everything and it certainly does not have the power to make the world goes round. Not everyone believes in that, but our company is a good testament to that faith. But if one subscribes to this belief, then one must understand that the best substitute for money in making things work are the precious relationships between people.
Thus it is definitely NOT ok for the staff to hate their boss. Perhaps it is ok in large MNC where the boss is this faceless asshole who makes life miserable and the only credit to him is that he signs the cheques. But definitely not in small establishments. Small establishments require committed staff who are willing to work extra hard and be paid lesser. Each and every member in the company is crucial because of the many hats they wear. In order to succeed, members in small establishments need to stay united and function like a family. But in such "family", any hurt to any member in the "household" is hurtful to the others as well.
I'm not saying my colleagues hate my boss. Nobody does. Well, at least not yet. And I really do not wish for that to happen. He has not really scolded me before (at least not yet). And he most certainly did not even raise his voice at me when I crashed the company's van. I know he is not an unreasonable boss, in fact he can be very diplomatic if you present your case soundly enough; and I appreciate that. But how I wish that quality of his could be the quality for my fellow colleague's submission rather than the fear of him(or more specifically, his crazy temperament). I think he would be damn shocked to learn that even his most trusted ex-staff left partly because of him lor...
I just hope I'll be able to train my assistant into form fast enough to earn his respect. Yes it is true I probably deserve someone more savvy. But between a savvy kid and one who is hardworking and with great working attitude, I'll choose the latter. I have patience for ignorance and blurness, but none for laziness.
Oh well, think I'll just let this rest for a while until the need arise for another attempt to promote the "以德服人" way of managing the rest of us. Meanwhile I'll just look forward to my vacation trip next week~ Woohoo~ Haha... am totally clueless about where we are going and what we are going to do.. But I'm just contented to finally have a break Haha~!
Oh, and for the record: I'm totally, completely, absolutely over Him => Heehee! Yes, this time for sure. Hahaha~ For this, I definitely deserve someone Better~~ Muahahaha!!!
Phew~ Completed 2 events over the past 2 weeks and thankfully, they were both smooth-sailing and successful =D *pat pat*
And since we had been getting quite a fair number of angry emails from Boss about failed events previously, I felt it was time to lift our spirits a little by sending a good-job-well-done-everybody-thank-you email to all the folks =D Honestly, the previous event wouldn't have been possible without everyone's contribution~
It's a great pity one of the more capable staff has decided to leave though... Morale was low and there have already been thoughts of leaving floating in the air. Which is why I thought we should quickly trash it out and thus initiated an urgent internal meeting last week. I think everyone at least was able to air their grievance.. which is good => And we also managed to deal with the issue of "domestic abuse" and condemn the use of the word "stupid" on anybody within our little home on the hill. But still... Haiz.. guess when one's spirit is broken, it sometimes is really not that easy to recouncil..
Things are going pretty well for me at the moment... Though I'm still as busy, I'm not as stretched now thanks to my dearest hardworking assistant =D She's very new, very inexperienced and sometimes rather blur. But can't blame her cos her school doesnt aim to produce industry-ready graduates =p They're happy just producing graduates who can "think out of the box" and have great "problem-solving skills".
Which is quite odd considering you first need to have a "box" and a "problem" to start with before you can overcome each of them. And what's the point of creating "imaginery boxes & problems" when the students should be thrown right into the boxes of society and face problems of reality??? Anyway, thankfully my gal has a strong drive to learn and very good work attitude =D
I just hope she doesn't get discouraged by her little mistakes though.. She's a little like me at times =p Haha... Also the kind who doesn't readily forgive herself when she makes mistakes =p But I'm teaching her not to become too psychotic like me lah =p Hahaha! I hope I'll be a good influence though haha...
Well, when things gets too smooth, it's time I need to be more alert as well.. Past experiences had taught me not to be too complacent during good times. Cos the bad things always sneak up on you when you think you're having fun =p Can be rather stressful at times cos it means I constantly have gota be on my toes... But well, better safe than sorry... 我是劳碌命，没得歇的...
Still have some more things to take care off for this Friday outdoor screening... I'm practically out-stationed every week siah.... And had to juggle a number of things at the same time too =p Just have to tahan through for the next 3 weeks... Then I can go for my break to Vietnam... HAha~ Haiz... I just wish I can go in peace siah... Really am very wary that things will screw up loh.... sai...
My best friend is now officially "Mrs Yap". Damn excited and happy for her!!!!
How time flies~~ I still remember the days when we would sit outside the old building classroom, leaning against the wall and fantasize about our future partners and how our weddings would be like...
Her banquet is due next May and she wanted me to emcee along with another friend of hers. So honoured! HAhaha~ and just now while bathing I've come up with some more new ideas for the Big Day~~ Heehee! Just hope her other friend would be as sporting =p
Work has been more or less under control lately. Though there are still lots of last min deadlines to rush and fire to put out. But I'm getting the hang of it already. And yesh! Finally got me an intern!!! Woohoot!!! Finally got assistant!!! Can't wait to start working on OP stuff with her siah~~~
But first, I've to clear this other project that I'd unknowingly gotten myself into at the start of my employment. Haiz.. sometimes I'm just too kpo for my own good =p Volunteered to help out cos cudn't bare to see my other colleagues die and den get myself into the shithole. Well, at least Boss knows to appreciate la...
Have tried getting Him to come onboard to help out with it cos I personally felt he would be the best candidate, given his capabilities and financial situation. Only trouble is we're not sure if his schedule would fit the requirements of the job... Well, at least he didnt reject me straight on and I think he is genuinely interested in the job. That's good. Then I can hand over and move on to my "real" work.
As much as I'm always able to remain professional and draw definite lines between work and personal matters, I have to admit there's a part of me which want him to be in the project for selfish reasons. Yes, I desperately hope he could come on to relieve me of majority of the duties (I'll still be stuck to the project since I'm the PM), but at the same time it was partly cos I kind of wanted to see him again...
So weak... Haiz... Sub-consciously, I think I'm still waiting for him. Well, perhaps more of waiting for a definite answer. Cos I never got any real answer back then. Come to think of it... It had already been more than a year.... Yes I'd proclaimed I'd lost feelings for him.. But somehow I guess there's still a certain sense of "longing" that still lingers...
Yet I know if he really did come onboard, I would still put on my defensive armour and pretend nothing had happened and treat him like we didn't started at all. But that is IF he did come onboard at all in the first place.
Somehow have a feeling I'm gona be disappointed again. 我们毕竟是有缘无份的. But I guess a greater part of the frustration when that happen would be due to the fact that I would have to frantically find someone else to take the job lah =p Hahaha!!!
But whatever his final decision is, I will only know after the 2 major shits for this project is over. Meanwhile I'll be too busy putting out fire to think about anything else... Haiz...
First up, Shit No.1. Counting down in 8 hours...
Ok, I'm back. =D Finally climbed out of the abyss of depression~ Heh heh... Again.
For those who are interested and are still hanging around my blog (after its prolonged dormant state, I doubt any of my friends still read....anyways), I was pretty miserable previously. But I'm ok now =D
I had only worked for 2 months and I'd accumulated over 20 days of TOIL. Basically didnt have any off day from mid-Aug to mid-Sep. And that was one of the reasons that fueled the depression...
Honestly, I'm pretty puzzled myself. The working environment is not too bad. At least not as jialat as my internship days. But I was really rather overwhelmed previously by the things I need to do... Never seem to have enough time no matter how much extra hours I was able to squeeze out from my 24hrs...
And I later realized that sometimes energy gets zapped not solely by the work itself. Adapting into a work group itself could be as energy-consuming....
Anyway, what can't kill you will only make you Stronger~
After this round of depression, I've come to realise another problem (amongst many other yet to be discovered/yet to erupt..) of myself. I have to admit, I am a workaholic. And this is no joking matter anymore.
I used to joke about this but I think my condition has reached a point that I'd better reign myself in before I drop dead on my desk like those Japaneses...
So yup, taking steps to "cure" myself currently~ HAhaha... As always~
To be honest, I think I won't stay in this line forever. Starting to reconsider my career path again Haha.... Starting to fantasize about all the other things I could be doing already~ Heh heh.... I have a vision setting up a social enterprise to help people suffering from depression, and another of setting up a transport and vehicle rental company, and another of a budget travel planner company, and....
Heh heh heh.... Yes, my 三分钟热度 syndrome kicking in again...
At present, I still do not have any concrete, tangible sense of achievement... But at least I think I won't allow myself to pia blindly anymore~ Giving myself a deadline of up to the end of the next movie project to decide if I still wana stay here... Afterall, that movie was the reason why I joined in the first place =p
Well, at least have identified another problem. Boon once told me that his mentor (a current great master in the theatre industry) said people who have the ability to self-reflect and self-assess will become successful people in future. Both of us took comfort in that even though we're not sure whether we are deluding ourselves or really on our way to discover our ultimate success... But whatever empowers you won't kill you either =p Hahaha~!
And yesh! I finally got a proper off day today!!! Yeah~~ Even though I still had to run some errands for work... Managed to get some time to walk and shop around without any disturbance hee hee~ And spent like near $200.... kns... At least I got a new sexy laptop bag and some skin care products! Hee~~~
Ok, time to sleep. Sacrificed too much of my beauty sleep liao... Soon to die of sleep deprivation even if I dun die of workaholism =p Haha~
I'm working in a great place.
I've great bosses.
I've wonderful colleagues.
We have meaningful projects.
I'm given big responsibilities.
But, I'm not happy.
Why?
Hate it. Hate me.
